New Year's Eve

I am here at work again. I was an hour late this morning. Not that anyone cares. My boss isn't even here. I am so tired.

My daughter and I went to the memorial service for her friend yesterday. It was sad and draining. They had a slide show of photos and it was an "open" forum. We were all enouraged to stand and say something about Michael. I was doing well enough just to sit in my chair and keep my sanity. Several people got up and said their peace. My daughter and I sat and held her ex-boyfriend's hand (who was very close friends with the boy). We met Michael through my daughter's ex-boyfriend. And I can say, if I had not had him to hang on to when I entered the memorial service, I might not have made it to my chair. When I looked up and realized that they had that beautiful boy's pictures on a slide show at the front of the room, I let out a gasp and grabbed Seth's arm. My daughter's ex, being the man he is, understood and stood firm for me while leading me to my chair. After which, he broke down and reached out for mine and my daughter's hands. I thought that I would feel better after the service. Like, closure...But, that didn't happen. I think it is because of his age, and the tragic manner in which he died. Beautiful, beautiful Michael will remain in our hearts forever.

My daughter collapsed with exhaustion and slept for hours after we got home. I can't even begin to imagine how Michael's family feels. I don't want to imagine. I just pray that they make it through.

I don't want to be here today. I want to be at home.

Tomorrow, I am supposed to turn over a new leaf. Try to be healthier. But, I think I may add making life more exciting. Trying some new things. Maybe, even trying something dangerous like sky diving or base jumping (kidding), but really, life is short and I should take advantage. I use to fear dying, but now I just think that I fear "not living".