My right arm is already getting tired from doing data entry today. I dont know why in the world I would want to update my blog to do more typing. Oh...I know! My damn server is slow. Around 3 O'clock, every day at work, I guess people are suddenly motivated to work. So, everyone logs on to the same program to work, and it slows down...dramatically. I was going to try and get out of here at 3, and now it is looking like I wont get out of here until 4 or 4:30. I am sleepy! I want to go home! I have a date with my mom, and I want to take a nap, or at least unwind and play with my puppy before I go. I wouldnt mind straightening up the house a bit.
So, here I am, trying to waste time in hopes that the server picks up speed. Good luck to me.
I keep checking to see if my test score has been posted online for school. I am obsessed with looking at my grades. There is always one about to be posted, and I just have to see it! I have no patience when it comes to stuff like that. Thank goodness that this class is web enhanced; otherwise I would be waiting until next class to get my grade...THE HORROR!
Geez, my arm is tired. I do hope that my right arm holds up for the next two years while I am in school. I have a really tough time typing by the end of the week. I better go on that note...or that word.
Friday, April 27, 2007
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Sucky Paychecks
Do people usually title their blogs before they write them? I usually do; however, this time, I have absolutely no idea what I am going to write about, and I will probably skip around a few times. I don't think anyone is reading this yet, anyway.
I am trying to work late tonight. My paycheck sucked! I can not afford to pay all the bills by myself with that measley check. I have got to push myself to work more hours. The thing is, I am only required to work 25 hours a week, and because "life happens", I usually have some fire to put out, or crisis to solve, so for the past couple of weeks, I barely made my 25 hours. As of this moment (well, actually, I started at the beginning of this week), I am going to squeeze in as many hours as possible. I can work up to 40 a week, but 40 hours of data entry just might kill me, so my goal is to get as close to that number as I can without losing function of my right arm.
I have a date with my mother tomorrow. We are going to eat downtown and then we are off to see a play. It is a local version of "On Golden Pond" - should be interesting. We have planned to go to the 8'oclock show, and eat before hand at a Cajun Restaurant in the old downtown. The Restaurant and play are both within walking distance of my house, but I doubt we will be walking. We should, but we probably won't. I'll let you know...oh the suspense!
I am trying to work late tonight. My paycheck sucked! I can not afford to pay all the bills by myself with that measley check. I have got to push myself to work more hours. The thing is, I am only required to work 25 hours a week, and because "life happens", I usually have some fire to put out, or crisis to solve, so for the past couple of weeks, I barely made my 25 hours. As of this moment (well, actually, I started at the beginning of this week), I am going to squeeze in as many hours as possible. I can work up to 40 a week, but 40 hours of data entry just might kill me, so my goal is to get as close to that number as I can without losing function of my right arm.
I have a date with my mother tomorrow. We are going to eat downtown and then we are off to see a play. It is a local version of "On Golden Pond" - should be interesting. We have planned to go to the 8'oclock show, and eat before hand at a Cajun Restaurant in the old downtown. The Restaurant and play are both within walking distance of my house, but I doubt we will be walking. We should, but we probably won't. I'll let you know...oh the suspense!
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Fear
Well, I guess the title of this entry is misleading. I don't mean fear in the sense of everyday fear, or jumping from an airplane fear, or just plain fear of dying, etc. I mean fear as in fear of failure.
I am starting to figure out why I can leave things in limbo - unfinished. Everything left unfinished has promise. Anything completed, well... is over, and once it is over, you get your grade, you get to find out exactly what you are made of. I am not sure I want to know what I am made of. I am afraid of what I might find out.
I have put off school for so long that now that I feel failure is no longer an option. I HAVE to perform! I have no choice.
Now, I am scared...for real.
I am starting to figure out why I can leave things in limbo - unfinished. Everything left unfinished has promise. Anything completed, well... is over, and once it is over, you get your grade, you get to find out exactly what you are made of. I am not sure I want to know what I am made of. I am afraid of what I might find out.
I have put off school for so long that now that I feel failure is no longer an option. I HAVE to perform! I have no choice.
Now, I am scared...for real.
Monday, April 23, 2007
Marriage
My husband hasn't lived in our house since the middle of February. We are in limbo.
I am trying to decide what is best for our situation, but I can't figure it out. I love spending time with him, and I can see myself with him in the future. I don't understand what the hold up is. Well, I know it is me - the hold up is me, I guess. I am afraid of getting hurt again. While our decision to divorce was mutual, it was kind of...well, it was a decision that had to be made based upon the fact that my husband was not very nice to me, and I, for some time, thought it was all me. I thought that I was either crazy, unlovable, or that I just wasn't cut out for marriage, because marriage fucking sucked. I thought I was missing the point of marriage. I was feeling hurt, and moving quickly toward feeling nothing.
My husband moved out as we agreed, and within a week, he decided that he did not want to divorce, and set about to win me back. He came on hard, fast and strong, in an attempt to let me know under no uncertain terms, that he loves me and wants to be with me forever. For a few weeks, I was showered with flowers and cards, and weeping "I love you"'s...which of course, faded in time. I am not really sad about that, because it might have killed him to keep that up forever...but, I am a little confused, because I feel he has dropped back the other way, in an attempt to give me space, or to give himself space...I am not sure. I am not feeling neglected per se, I am just having a little trouble deciphering where we are going.
Well, I sent an email to him at work to let him know that I think he should just move back in, so that we can work on living together. I hate being in limbo. If it isn't going to work, we should figure it out as soon as possible, and if it is...well, we should figure it out as soon as possible.
I'm tired.
I am trying to decide what is best for our situation, but I can't figure it out. I love spending time with him, and I can see myself with him in the future. I don't understand what the hold up is. Well, I know it is me - the hold up is me, I guess. I am afraid of getting hurt again. While our decision to divorce was mutual, it was kind of...well, it was a decision that had to be made based upon the fact that my husband was not very nice to me, and I, for some time, thought it was all me. I thought that I was either crazy, unlovable, or that I just wasn't cut out for marriage, because marriage fucking sucked. I thought I was missing the point of marriage. I was feeling hurt, and moving quickly toward feeling nothing.
My husband moved out as we agreed, and within a week, he decided that he did not want to divorce, and set about to win me back. He came on hard, fast and strong, in an attempt to let me know under no uncertain terms, that he loves me and wants to be with me forever. For a few weeks, I was showered with flowers and cards, and weeping "I love you"'s...which of course, faded in time. I am not really sad about that, because it might have killed him to keep that up forever...but, I am a little confused, because I feel he has dropped back the other way, in an attempt to give me space, or to give himself space...I am not sure. I am not feeling neglected per se, I am just having a little trouble deciphering where we are going.
Well, I sent an email to him at work to let him know that I think he should just move back in, so that we can work on living together. I hate being in limbo. If it isn't going to work, we should figure it out as soon as possible, and if it is...well, we should figure it out as soon as possible.
I'm tired.
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Frankie
My bulldog is getting heavy. Wow, what a freakin lot of work he is.
My daughter came in to a large chunk of change when she was involved in a car accident and cracked a vertebrae. She decided that this family needed an English Bulldog. When I agreed to this venture, little did I know that having an English Bulldog is VERY similar to having a little baby. Except that babies poop in their diapers...
Frankie (whose actual name is Sinatra) has one blue eye - I am guessing you will get the reason for the name. Anyway, Frankie is probably in the terrible twos right now. I am thankful that he is out of the teeny weeny baby stage where I didn't get any sleep at all. Now, he sleeps with me all night, and actually holds his pee and poop until 7am. WOW!
Frankie rips up papers and scatters them across the floor. He chews on everything! My shoes, metal door hinges, wooden frames; pretty much anything that he can get to. He is constantly rooting around, making little piggy noises looking for food. He is obsessed with food. If we fed him all day long - he would eat all day long. He would literally eat until he exploded.
On the other hand, he is the sweetest, kindest, funniest, most adorable puppy I have ever owned. He is honest, and clumsy, and just a big clown.
I wouldnt trade him for anything.
My daughter came in to a large chunk of change when she was involved in a car accident and cracked a vertebrae. She decided that this family needed an English Bulldog. When I agreed to this venture, little did I know that having an English Bulldog is VERY similar to having a little baby. Except that babies poop in their diapers...
Frankie (whose actual name is Sinatra) has one blue eye - I am guessing you will get the reason for the name. Anyway, Frankie is probably in the terrible twos right now. I am thankful that he is out of the teeny weeny baby stage where I didn't get any sleep at all. Now, he sleeps with me all night, and actually holds his pee and poop until 7am. WOW!
Frankie rips up papers and scatters them across the floor. He chews on everything! My shoes, metal door hinges, wooden frames; pretty much anything that he can get to. He is constantly rooting around, making little piggy noises looking for food. He is obsessed with food. If we fed him all day long - he would eat all day long. He would literally eat until he exploded.
On the other hand, he is the sweetest, kindest, funniest, most adorable puppy I have ever owned. He is honest, and clumsy, and just a big clown.
I wouldnt trade him for anything.
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