It is interesting that going through a divorce has helped me better understand the concept of commitment. I am realizing things about myself that I haven't ever realized. Like the fact that I don't have commitment issues - unless it pertains to commiting to myself.
What I mean is that I would have stayed fully committed in my marriage and to my husband, because I said I would, and I made a promise before God, my family and friends. I believe that marriage should be forever; however, I can't be the only person committed to the marriage, and it took me a while, but I finally realized that no matter how much one might be committed to something, if that something requires a partner to be just as committed...and that partner is not willing, nor able to commit, well, power is lost, and your commitment means nothing.
Having said all that, what I can control are the commitments that I make to myself.
This is the first time that this concept has crossed my mind. I can make commitments to myself, and actually keep them. Power in my hands, all in my control. My power. My commitments. Whether it be to follow through with college, or grow my hair to my ass, or to keep my kitchen spotless...it is all MY power.
I have realized that while I haven't struggled with commitment to my daughter, or my husband, I have not made a real commitment to myself. I haven't really known that I could until now. To realize this makes me feel reborn, and powerful.
2 comments:
I feel 100% the same. I've been working hard than before whilst going through this divorcery. I've been running and biking like I'm going to win a prize if I do it enough. The house is clean. The dog, cat and lizard are all fed and happy.
I think I'm doing right, but I'm just trying the best to make my fucked up situation work.
Divorcery, sorcery, run-its-coursery...
I am going to win a prize if I do everything enough. You, on the other hand, might not.
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