I have a dilemma.
My friends want to plan a "girl trip" to florida for sometime in November.
The thing is, my friends can afford the trip. They have careers, or they are married and their husband's make a lot of money, or they have inherited money from a source.
I am not in their league at all right now. I was at one time, but not right now. Not with working part-time, and going to school. I have been even thinking about turning off my phone and DSL, just so I can buy enough groceries to live on each month. Priorities, right?
Well, they have all decided that they would pay my portion on the beach house, and cover me if they decide to go out to eat somewhere expensive. Two of my friends said that they would NOT go if I couldn't go. I know they want me there. I know they want me there bad enough to pay most of my way. I am flattered, really. I know they expect nothing in return; however, I just can't do it. I have felt like I have been taking handouts from people my entire life. Being a single mom, and raising her on my own, I had to swallow alot of pride and let people help me once in a while. But, my daughter is 19, and I am NOBODY's charity case - not anymore.
The second reason that I don't want to go, is because one of my friends has decided to take her teenage daughter. Now, I love this kid, and I have no problem with her coming, except for the fact that I can't afford to bring my daughter along. So, while my friend is bringing her daughter, because she couldn't bare leaving her at home while she went and had fun at the beach...my daughter will be at home.
3rd and final reason - I have no one to watch my bulldog, and the house that they have talked about renting allows NO PETS, NO EXCEPTIONS. I can't leave him home with my daughter, she has a busy life of her own. I refuse to kennel him, because bulldogs are so fragile, that I am afraid they wouldnt take very good care of him. Bulldogs have a lot of issues that one has to be acutely aware of at all times, and I just cant leave him for 4 days without obsessing over him the whole time. Maybe, that sounds crazy, but I can't help it. If I were planning the vacation, I would stay somewhere pet friendly, but I am not. I have no control over any of it.
Anyway, that is where I stand right now. I have tried to back out several times, but my friends keep pushing. I am meeting them on Wednesday night to talk about the trip. I will just let them know, thanks, but no thanks.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Friday, October 19, 2007
Friday!
I am sooo tired today, but so glad that it is Friday.
The long day yesterday went well. Work, volunteer, school...I got home at 8pm last night after leaving in the morning at 7am. I felt like giving myself a "high 5" (or is it hi-5?)Oh whatever...it could be low 5 or lo-5, what the hell? Anyway, I was really proud of what I accomplished on Thursday.
Furiousball, I have no idea how you do all of the things you do. You are a mad man. And a good father ta boot. You have inspired me on a lot of levels that you don't even realize.
I have so much work to do today. I am going to try and stay over at least an hour, and I plan to come in on Saturday for a few as well. I really just need the money. I can do this...I think I can. I think I can...
Parts of my psychology class are starting to get a bit more interesting. Like the different stages of development that some of us reach, or get stuck in. I don't think I have EVER let myself develop real intimacy with a partner. I have always had a barrier up. I have NEVER let myself go completely and absolutely. I wonder if anyone has? I wonder what it would be like. To be lost in intimacy with someone, and to know they were in it with you just as deep. I have no clue what that would be like. It sounds scary, but it also sounds pretty groovy. I think it might be a myth. Something that people think exists, but really doesnt - like perfection.
The long day yesterday went well. Work, volunteer, school...I got home at 8pm last night after leaving in the morning at 7am. I felt like giving myself a "high 5" (or is it hi-5?)Oh whatever...it could be low 5 or lo-5, what the hell? Anyway, I was really proud of what I accomplished on Thursday.
Furiousball, I have no idea how you do all of the things you do. You are a mad man. And a good father ta boot. You have inspired me on a lot of levels that you don't even realize.
I have so much work to do today. I am going to try and stay over at least an hour, and I plan to come in on Saturday for a few as well. I really just need the money. I can do this...I think I can. I think I can...
Parts of my psychology class are starting to get a bit more interesting. Like the different stages of development that some of us reach, or get stuck in. I don't think I have EVER let myself develop real intimacy with a partner. I have always had a barrier up. I have NEVER let myself go completely and absolutely. I wonder if anyone has? I wonder what it would be like. To be lost in intimacy with someone, and to know they were in it with you just as deep. I have no clue what that would be like. It sounds scary, but it also sounds pretty groovy. I think it might be a myth. Something that people think exists, but really doesnt - like perfection.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Maple Syrup
I keep smelling the sickening smell of maple syrup and brown sugar. I have the feeling that it just might be the old crusty bowls of oatmeal that I ate and shoved into one of my desk drawers without rinsing. I totally meant to take them home before vacation, but I forgot. Out of sight, out of mind - I should have never put them in that drawer. I have to take them home tonight; otherwise, that smell is going to give me a migraine. I am glad that to everyone else, it probably just smells like body spray or a candle...but to me, it smells like migraine.
I am getting closer and closer to stepping out the door and going for a jog. I have been walking a good bit lately. I am going to keep walking until I start jogging. And then, I am going to stop eating until I get skinny. Or, maybe, I'll just eat healthy for a change.
Crap. I have Psychology tonight. Yuck.
You know, I just want to feel sexy for a change. I want to feel attractive and delicious and confident. I will add that to my list of goals.
I am getting closer and closer to stepping out the door and going for a jog. I have been walking a good bit lately. I am going to keep walking until I start jogging. And then, I am going to stop eating until I get skinny. Or, maybe, I'll just eat healthy for a change.
Crap. I have Psychology tonight. Yuck.
You know, I just want to feel sexy for a change. I want to feel attractive and delicious and confident. I will add that to my list of goals.
Monday, October 15, 2007
Damn!
Damn, my house is clean. One of the complaints that my husband had about me was that my house cleaning wasn't quite up to his standards. I won't go much into that, but I was working full time and so was he, and he expected me to be Martha Stewart, and he insisted that our house should look like Better Homes and Gardens. But, he always lived in fantasy land, and I knew that I would never meet up to his standards. I have to admit, I let things go, just because I knew that no matter what, he would never be satisfied.
Since I have started cleaning all of HIS junk and clutter out of my house, and placing it on my porch for him to pick up (whenever that might be), my house is slowly but surely coming together. I am finding that I am not a messy person at all. My daughter has started keeping her room clean, and if it weren't for me having to pick up after my rambunctious bulldog, I would hardly have anything to clean. My house smells like bleach, my bed is made and everything is in its place. I actually feel like I can live here in this old house, and I feel relaxed.
This is definitely not a house that a single woman needs to live in. There are electrical things that need to be fixed, things are always falling apart. There is a big yard that needs to be cut(which I have no problem doing - I just might have picked somewhere without such a big yard had I known). I thought I was going to have a husband and a partner to help me, but it didn't quite turn out that way. He knew, though. He knew when we moved in this house in January that he wasn't going to be here long. He moved out in February. Left me with the rent and a house that is falling in. Luckily, I have an excellent landlord and if anything major goes wrong, she will take care of it.
Okay, I guess I am having a bitter moment. I am such an independent person, and have no problem taking care of myself. I just wish sometimes, that someone would look after me for a change. That didn't happen in my marriage, I was still the major bread winner and I took care of everything but taking out the trash.
I really am fine, but I do have to remember now and then that I just got out of a divorce in which my spouse took away my dignity, my money, and all respect that I had for myself. I think the bitterness is coming from the fact that I am doing better on my own (not financially), but emotionally, physically, and in all other aspects of my life.
I pushed my ex away again this weekend, and told him, I just needed my space. He is still being shady, and I am just not into the drama. I have signed legal papers that say I am free from his drama now, so I don't need him doing his PUSSY check call every single night.
Oh geez. I never know what is going to come out of my brain when I sit down to write my blogs. Perhaps, I shouldn't have taken 2 xanax's before writing. Maybe, next time I will drink a glass of sherry and see what that invokes from my mixed up head.
As I am typing this, I can hear Frankie, the bulldog, tearing my house apart.
Since I have started cleaning all of HIS junk and clutter out of my house, and placing it on my porch for him to pick up (whenever that might be), my house is slowly but surely coming together. I am finding that I am not a messy person at all. My daughter has started keeping her room clean, and if it weren't for me having to pick up after my rambunctious bulldog, I would hardly have anything to clean. My house smells like bleach, my bed is made and everything is in its place. I actually feel like I can live here in this old house, and I feel relaxed.
This is definitely not a house that a single woman needs to live in. There are electrical things that need to be fixed, things are always falling apart. There is a big yard that needs to be cut(which I have no problem doing - I just might have picked somewhere without such a big yard had I known). I thought I was going to have a husband and a partner to help me, but it didn't quite turn out that way. He knew, though. He knew when we moved in this house in January that he wasn't going to be here long. He moved out in February. Left me with the rent and a house that is falling in. Luckily, I have an excellent landlord and if anything major goes wrong, she will take care of it.
Okay, I guess I am having a bitter moment. I am such an independent person, and have no problem taking care of myself. I just wish sometimes, that someone would look after me for a change. That didn't happen in my marriage, I was still the major bread winner and I took care of everything but taking out the trash.
I really am fine, but I do have to remember now and then that I just got out of a divorce in which my spouse took away my dignity, my money, and all respect that I had for myself. I think the bitterness is coming from the fact that I am doing better on my own (not financially), but emotionally, physically, and in all other aspects of my life.
I pushed my ex away again this weekend, and told him, I just needed my space. He is still being shady, and I am just not into the drama. I have signed legal papers that say I am free from his drama now, so I don't need him doing his PUSSY check call every single night.
Oh geez. I never know what is going to come out of my brain when I sit down to write my blogs. Perhaps, I shouldn't have taken 2 xanax's before writing. Maybe, next time I will drink a glass of sherry and see what that invokes from my mixed up head.
As I am typing this, I can hear Frankie, the bulldog, tearing my house apart.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
President's List
Apparently, I made the President's list at school for my fabulous academic achievement. I have a big brain. Yay! It is kinda funny. I don't know why. My daughter was pretty proud of me, though. She thought it was awesome. What can I say? I am a fine example.
My bulldog has had an ear infection for a good while and I have finally gotten it under control. My vet wanted to charge me over $200 for treatment, and some sort of test. I told her, "no thanks", and then she treated me like I was Michael Vic or something. Whatever. I did some reading and ordered some medicine for like $9. Bulldogs ARE a lot of trouble. If you are ever thinking of getting one, think twice if you aren't made of money. On the other hand, if you are willing to do some research, you can keep them healthy on your own for minimal expense. A lot of work, but still worth it. He is my baby, and I love him. He is well worth every penny I spend and more.
My daughter went out on a date with a new boy today. He came and picked her up. Which is weird, because most of the guys she has dated, haven't had a car, or license, or both. He is good boy. I know him, because he dated my STEP-daughter a couple of years ago. My daughter asked permission from the step-daughter before accepting a date from him which I thought was quite commendable. She and my step-daughter are best friends. I do hope she was telling the truth when she told my daughter to go-for-it. You never know with girls.
By the way, I have a beautiful daughter, who is everything that I could have asked for and more. She is all of the things that I ever wanted to be rolled up in a tiny little package. She is about 4'11", and weighs all of 100lbs soaking wet. She is creative, funny, intelligent, an avid reader and an excellent writer. When I read her blog, I am envious of her writing ability. Which, is pretty cool, since I made her in my belly.
I watch way too much tv and listen to way too little music these days. I have got to start catching up my my music. Any suggestions? After this blog, I am going to put in a couple of cd's and do some cleaning...and turn of that damn devil tube.
I have been trying to figure out why I hate psychology so much. I have a theory. I try to take people as they are on the surface. I don't have time, nor the energy to try and figure out people, and I guess that might be why I get taken advantage of, or really shocked when I figure out I have been manipulated in some way. I haven't ever sat around trying to figure out how to manipulate situations, and I am not good at planning and scheming for my own benefit. I understand that people do these things, but I am really not interested in why. We all have our demons, and we all have reasons that we do the things we do. It is called "life". I try not to look too deep into other people's psyche; otherwise, I might see too much. I don't want to see too much - I want to live in ignorance. I want to take people for face value. I can guess all day about what makes other people tick, but at the end of the day, I am just guessing, and no one ever REALLY knows another person. I only show people the parts of me that I want them to see, and usually when other people guess about what really makes me tick, or who I am, they are wrong. Psychology is a lot of guessing, and psychology involves critical thinking and picking people's minds apart. In the end, I am just not interested in guessing. People are who they are. Now, I am not saying that I am not a people watcher, because I AM. I LOVE to watch people. But, I am usually wondering what they ate for breakfast or where they are going, rather than what is really underneath. I guess this might contradict what I said about looking at men and wondering if they are liars, or cheaters...no, I guess it doesn't. I don't care why they are that way, I just wonder if they are. Hmmm.
Enough of that. I am not even sure if that makes sense. I am just trying to understand why psychology is so boring to me. I thought I would enjoy it. It kind of bothers me that I hate it. Not sure why.
I am here alone. I am going to pamper myself. I am going to put honey in my hair, and clean the house. Now...that is pampering.
My bulldog has had an ear infection for a good while and I have finally gotten it under control. My vet wanted to charge me over $200 for treatment, and some sort of test. I told her, "no thanks", and then she treated me like I was Michael Vic or something. Whatever. I did some reading and ordered some medicine for like $9. Bulldogs ARE a lot of trouble. If you are ever thinking of getting one, think twice if you aren't made of money. On the other hand, if you are willing to do some research, you can keep them healthy on your own for minimal expense. A lot of work, but still worth it. He is my baby, and I love him. He is well worth every penny I spend and more.
My daughter went out on a date with a new boy today. He came and picked her up. Which is weird, because most of the guys she has dated, haven't had a car, or license, or both. He is good boy. I know him, because he dated my STEP-daughter a couple of years ago. My daughter asked permission from the step-daughter before accepting a date from him which I thought was quite commendable. She and my step-daughter are best friends. I do hope she was telling the truth when she told my daughter to go-for-it. You never know with girls.
By the way, I have a beautiful daughter, who is everything that I could have asked for and more. She is all of the things that I ever wanted to be rolled up in a tiny little package. She is about 4'11", and weighs all of 100lbs soaking wet. She is creative, funny, intelligent, an avid reader and an excellent writer. When I read her blog, I am envious of her writing ability. Which, is pretty cool, since I made her in my belly.
I watch way too much tv and listen to way too little music these days. I have got to start catching up my my music. Any suggestions? After this blog, I am going to put in a couple of cd's and do some cleaning...and turn of that damn devil tube.
I have been trying to figure out why I hate psychology so much. I have a theory. I try to take people as they are on the surface. I don't have time, nor the energy to try and figure out people, and I guess that might be why I get taken advantage of, or really shocked when I figure out I have been manipulated in some way. I haven't ever sat around trying to figure out how to manipulate situations, and I am not good at planning and scheming for my own benefit. I understand that people do these things, but I am really not interested in why. We all have our demons, and we all have reasons that we do the things we do. It is called "life". I try not to look too deep into other people's psyche; otherwise, I might see too much. I don't want to see too much - I want to live in ignorance. I want to take people for face value. I can guess all day about what makes other people tick, but at the end of the day, I am just guessing, and no one ever REALLY knows another person. I only show people the parts of me that I want them to see, and usually when other people guess about what really makes me tick, or who I am, they are wrong. Psychology is a lot of guessing, and psychology involves critical thinking and picking people's minds apart. In the end, I am just not interested in guessing. People are who they are. Now, I am not saying that I am not a people watcher, because I AM. I LOVE to watch people. But, I am usually wondering what they ate for breakfast or where they are going, rather than what is really underneath. I guess this might contradict what I said about looking at men and wondering if they are liars, or cheaters...no, I guess it doesn't. I don't care why they are that way, I just wonder if they are. Hmmm.
Enough of that. I am not even sure if that makes sense. I am just trying to understand why psychology is so boring to me. I thought I would enjoy it. It kind of bothers me that I hate it. Not sure why.
I am here alone. I am going to pamper myself. I am going to put honey in my hair, and clean the house. Now...that is pampering.
Friday, October 12, 2007
Vacation
I am at home. Woo hoo! I am off today and Monday giving me a four day weekend. Yep. Yeppers. Four whole days to myself.
I have got to get my house straightened back out. I haven't cleaned since my sister came to visit and destroyed my house. She is like a swirling Adult Deficit Disorder tornado. I still haven't fully recovered. And I thought I was forgetful...whoa! I got nothin on my sister. I love her even if she does drive me crazy.
I am having trouble typing on my keyboard at home. I can NOT type as fast or as accurately. I feel like I am typing on jello or something.
When I am in bed, just about to fall asleep, I think of all kinds of clever things to write about in my blog. I am so insightful and funny in that twilight. Maybe, I am just dreaming that I am clever and insightful. I never really fall into a deep sleep, so I am probably dreaming right now. Am I ever really awake?
The big issue on my mind right now is health. Now that the weather has cooled off, I really don't have any excuse not to start walking, or jogging, or getting off the couch even.
I am starting to like myself. Who woulda thunk...if you actually involve yourself in the things that interest you...you become who you want to be. Weird. What a concept.
I have got to get my house straightened back out. I haven't cleaned since my sister came to visit and destroyed my house. She is like a swirling Adult Deficit Disorder tornado. I still haven't fully recovered. And I thought I was forgetful...whoa! I got nothin on my sister. I love her even if she does drive me crazy.
I am having trouble typing on my keyboard at home. I can NOT type as fast or as accurately. I feel like I am typing on jello or something.
When I am in bed, just about to fall asleep, I think of all kinds of clever things to write about in my blog. I am so insightful and funny in that twilight. Maybe, I am just dreaming that I am clever and insightful. I never really fall into a deep sleep, so I am probably dreaming right now. Am I ever really awake?
The big issue on my mind right now is health. Now that the weather has cooled off, I really don't have any excuse not to start walking, or jogging, or getting off the couch even.
I am starting to like myself. Who woulda thunk...if you actually involve yourself in the things that interest you...you become who you want to be. Weird. What a concept.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Migraine
Another day waking up with a fucking migraine. It gets old. I thought I was going to have to leave work early, but I took some medication that might be working, so here I am. I never know what is going to work. Should I eat chocolate? Should I not eat chocolate? Should I drink caffeine, should I not? Should I take enough medication to kill a horse, or will a Goody Powder and a coke do the trick. You would think I would have this all figured out by now, since I have had migraines since around age 4! But, I don't, and probably never will. I try to remind myself about the people I know who are in pain every second of every day. That tends to keep me from feeling sorry for myself.
Actually, as I sit here, I am noticing that my migraine is completely gone. What a beautiful thing. Now, I need a nap.
I guess I should make an amendment to the blog yesterday about how I am no longer sexually attracted to men, and that all of them make me wanna gag (haha...what's wrong with a little gagging among friends?). Anywho, I guess it is really more or less looking around at strangers. Men that I might have found attractive in the past. I am not impressed by their manliness, or their handsomeness. I find myself thinking about what they REALLY think about their significant others. Are they cheaters or liars, or just plain losers, or even abusers (emotional or otherwise).
So, I am just plain uninterested in getting to know any new males, for friendship or otherwise. It could be fear, it could be that I am just apathetic toward to male species in general, or it could be that men aren't really interested in my fat ass, and this is my way of coping with rejection.
Today would have been my 4 year anniversary. I'm not even sad about it.
Actually, as I sit here, I am noticing that my migraine is completely gone. What a beautiful thing. Now, I need a nap.
I guess I should make an amendment to the blog yesterday about how I am no longer sexually attracted to men, and that all of them make me wanna gag (haha...what's wrong with a little gagging among friends?). Anywho, I guess it is really more or less looking around at strangers. Men that I might have found attractive in the past. I am not impressed by their manliness, or their handsomeness. I find myself thinking about what they REALLY think about their significant others. Are they cheaters or liars, or just plain losers, or even abusers (emotional or otherwise).
So, I am just plain uninterested in getting to know any new males, for friendship or otherwise. It could be fear, it could be that I am just apathetic toward to male species in general, or it could be that men aren't really interested in my fat ass, and this is my way of coping with rejection.
Today would have been my 4 year anniversary. I'm not even sad about it.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
Stress
I kinda feel stressed. I definitely think I have bitten off more than I can chew. I am going to continue through with the volunteering, because - remember I am working on "commitment". And this is a commitment that I have made to myself, because it is something that I have always wanted to do. I am going to follow through with it entirely. I may have to take Thursdays off at work though. I am going to look into it. That way, I won't dread Thursday so much. I don't know. We'll see how it goes this week first.
I feel no attraction to the opposite sex right now. I have sexual feelings, per say, but I do not find men attractive at all. I think I am just bitter right now, and I think if things didnt work out with the ex, then really, things wont work out with any other man. It is so weird. I look at men, even cute men, and I think to myself, "gag!". I apologize to any man reading this right now, but I have just had enough already. I am so glad that my husband no longer lives with me, and does not have ANY control over ANY portion of my life. I am so glad that I dont have to give him blow jobs, or fight him off before bed because I am too tired. Sometimes, I would just offer a blow job, because that is a quick and easy way to get them off your back. But, he didn't deserve my blow jobs, and right now, I can't think of one man that does. They are way too delicious for the average man.
Wow, I wasn't expecting that rant today.
I need a coke, or some popcorn, or both. I got up early this morning and got in to work an hour earlier than usual. Fucking fantastic. I love it. I can either leave early, or get an hour extra on the ol' paycheck.
I feel no attraction to the opposite sex right now. I have sexual feelings, per say, but I do not find men attractive at all. I think I am just bitter right now, and I think if things didnt work out with the ex, then really, things wont work out with any other man. It is so weird. I look at men, even cute men, and I think to myself, "gag!". I apologize to any man reading this right now, but I have just had enough already. I am so glad that my husband no longer lives with me, and does not have ANY control over ANY portion of my life. I am so glad that I dont have to give him blow jobs, or fight him off before bed because I am too tired. Sometimes, I would just offer a blow job, because that is a quick and easy way to get them off your back. But, he didn't deserve my blow jobs, and right now, I can't think of one man that does. They are way too delicious for the average man.
Wow, I wasn't expecting that rant today.
I need a coke, or some popcorn, or both. I got up early this morning and got in to work an hour earlier than usual. Fucking fantastic. I love it. I can either leave early, or get an hour extra on the ol' paycheck.
Monday, October 8, 2007
Headaches
I have had a headache everyday for a week or more. A couple of them have been migraines, and some of them are just migraines waiting to happen. I have one right now. I know that these are related to the changes in the weather. I can tell the difference. They are persistant.
Last Thursday was my first day volunteering at the pregnancy center, and it was the longest day of my entire life. My sister came to town the night before at 2:30am, so my house was in CHAOS Thursday morning. I went to work, went straight to volunteer, and then went straight to my psychology class Thursday night. WOW! What a day. Thursdays are going to be sheer hell, I can tell. That's okay. I am doing this for a good cause, and all the other days of the week, are going to be easy as pie, because my hours are 9am-2pm. Cant beat that with a stick...nope.
My ex finally came by and dropped some money off for me. Thank GOD! I was not going to make it this month. He came thru with flying colors, and didn't even question me when I told him that I really didn't want to hang out with him this weekend. I needed to recover from my sister and her chaos. I think he probably understood, because he knows her. He IS asking me if I want to go to the drag races with him this coming weekend. I am really trying to ween off of him (or ween him off of me) - I think in the future, one of us is going to get jealous and pissed off, and I sure the hell don't want it to be me. I am fine alone...really I am.
Last Thursday was my first day volunteering at the pregnancy center, and it was the longest day of my entire life. My sister came to town the night before at 2:30am, so my house was in CHAOS Thursday morning. I went to work, went straight to volunteer, and then went straight to my psychology class Thursday night. WOW! What a day. Thursdays are going to be sheer hell, I can tell. That's okay. I am doing this for a good cause, and all the other days of the week, are going to be easy as pie, because my hours are 9am-2pm. Cant beat that with a stick...nope.
My ex finally came by and dropped some money off for me. Thank GOD! I was not going to make it this month. He came thru with flying colors, and didn't even question me when I told him that I really didn't want to hang out with him this weekend. I needed to recover from my sister and her chaos. I think he probably understood, because he knows her. He IS asking me if I want to go to the drag races with him this coming weekend. I am really trying to ween off of him (or ween him off of me) - I think in the future, one of us is going to get jealous and pissed off, and I sure the hell don't want it to be me. I am fine alone...really I am.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
I did it!
They offered me a counseling position at the pregnancy resource center. They will do intensive training for the first few months. I am so excited that they are taking a chance on me. I start tomorrow. I only have to volunteer 4 hours a week, and that is easy! I am so happy, I hope I do well.
My ex husband is acting strange...or, maybe I am just figuring a few things out about him. He is a user, and I know that even though I am not having sex with him, he is using me for something. I don't know quite what, and I don't know quite how, but I know something is up. I don't trust him.
I almost made a grave mistake the other day. I was feeling a little randy, darling...so I shaved all my bits, painted my nails, spent the whole day pampering myself, and decided that if the ex were to stop by, that I would try to coax him into the bedroom somehow. Now, what the hell was I thinking!? Thank GOD I didn't get much time to try and reel him in, because he was tired and picked up all of his stuff and scuffled out pretty quickly. I was feeling so horny that I was willing to have sex with the one person that I am pretty disgusted by right now. That is scary. I think I was just thinking about health and safety matters, but now that I stop and step back a little, I realize that he could be having sex with anyone, and I am just assuming that he isn't. Plus, wow, he would love nothing more than to have that little bit of control back. What the HELL was I thinking?!
Well, it didn't happen, and he is none the wiser. He would probably kick himself, because he is constantly "hinting" around about free sex, etc...and making me cum.
Not going to happen. Nope. Glad that little hormonal wave has passed without incident. Well, I am still horny, but not to the point that I would make such a grave error in judgement.
My ex husband is acting strange...or, maybe I am just figuring a few things out about him. He is a user, and I know that even though I am not having sex with him, he is using me for something. I don't know quite what, and I don't know quite how, but I know something is up. I don't trust him.
I almost made a grave mistake the other day. I was feeling a little randy, darling...so I shaved all my bits, painted my nails, spent the whole day pampering myself, and decided that if the ex were to stop by, that I would try to coax him into the bedroom somehow. Now, what the hell was I thinking!? Thank GOD I didn't get much time to try and reel him in, because he was tired and picked up all of his stuff and scuffled out pretty quickly. I was feeling so horny that I was willing to have sex with the one person that I am pretty disgusted by right now. That is scary. I think I was just thinking about health and safety matters, but now that I stop and step back a little, I realize that he could be having sex with anyone, and I am just assuming that he isn't. Plus, wow, he would love nothing more than to have that little bit of control back. What the HELL was I thinking?!
Well, it didn't happen, and he is none the wiser. He would probably kick himself, because he is constantly "hinting" around about free sex, etc...and making me cum.
Not going to happen. Nope. Glad that little hormonal wave has passed without incident. Well, I am still horny, but not to the point that I would make such a grave error in judgement.
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