Christmas

Christmas was a grand affair. My daughter and step-daughter loved their gifts for their apartment. Now, we just need to find an apartment to stick them in.

Yesterday, one of my daughter's male friends committed suicide. He shot himself in the head. I am not sure exactly when he shot himself, I just know that he died last night. I loved this boy. He was one of my favorites. We had the same favorite band in common, and he would get so excited talking to me about music. He talked a lot, and he was really "out there". He was a genius. He was so smart that it drove him crazy. I have only met a handful of people out there like him, and now we are one less. We haven't talked to him in about a year or so, just because that is how things happen when you are 19 or 20...but, I can't help but think about how things might be different if we had only kept in touch with him. Could anyone have done anything to change it? One little tiny effort on someone elses part could have made a difference. I am good with teenagers, if only I had told him that if he were ever feeling down he could call me at any time. I feel sad, and I am also angry at him. I always wondered how people could be angry at someone that committed suicide, but now I know. I would like to stop time - grab the gun from his hand, and beat his ass.

The funeral is Saturday. I'll have to prepare myself.

My daughter is also crushed. I actually walked in on them making out once. However, she didnt want to be more than friends, and kinda broke his heart. I know that she feels tremendous guilt. I will have to remember to focus on her heart and not my own.