Well, it was quiet. I thought my bosses were gone, but now I hear them talking. Damn! I thought I was home free to write my blog. Now it will have to be short and sweet.
I have my sleep study appt. It is scheduled for next Tues, Feb. 5th. I am sure excited to get it over. Plus, I hear they put you in a big cozy bed and give you a nice sleepy pill. Sounds like a great night to me. What if I have to pee? Will they have to unhook me from all the monitors? I get up several times a night normally. Hmmm.
Well, I have to go, I can hear the sounds of my bosses getting closer.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Monday, January 28, 2008
Not Bitter
I am doing horrible in my Intro to Computer class. I'm drifting to the hilarious side of not really funny in that class. I can't figure out what I am doing wrong! My online teacher is sooo hard! It is soooo damn funny! I think the problem lies in the fact that I expected it to be an easy class, so I have been slacking, and it really shows. I have to kick in my game, or drop that class.
I am meeting my daughter in the big ATL tomorrow after work. We are going to go looking at apartments. She couldn't get into the dorms. The waiting list is over a year long. So, we are looking at Virginia Highlands, or Inman Park - ish. We really aren't going to have a lot of daylight to look tomorrow, but she is impatient(just like me), and she is flying to Orlando this weekend. Her friend Cory bought two plane tickets for my daughter and step-daughter to visit him in FL. Good friend, eh? I think he has a crush on my daughter(why else would a boy buy a plane ticket for a girl?). He could have a crush on my step-daughter, but I think they know each other too well or something like that.
Really, I am not bitter. I have lost all of my bitterness regarding males. The older I get, the less bitter I am. I really don't feel much of anything where males are concerned. I swear. I am not mad. I remember in my 20's, man, I made a fool of myself. I really went all out to be bitter and cool and unfeeling...I ended up closing myself off, and opting for bad opportunities instead of good. I mean, I can spot a player from a mile away. And if I want a player, I shall persue one. If I don't, I wont. I can also spot a good man. I can spot a rich man. Thing is, I DON'T CARE! Ha! I need to focus more on me, and I just can not give any little part of me away right now. I do get sad, I do get lonely - but, for the most part, I am enjoying keeping all of me. Once I can do that with a man. I will have something to offer. But, I am not bitter...and that is nice.
I am meeting my daughter in the big ATL tomorrow after work. We are going to go looking at apartments. She couldn't get into the dorms. The waiting list is over a year long. So, we are looking at Virginia Highlands, or Inman Park - ish. We really aren't going to have a lot of daylight to look tomorrow, but she is impatient(just like me), and she is flying to Orlando this weekend. Her friend Cory bought two plane tickets for my daughter and step-daughter to visit him in FL. Good friend, eh? I think he has a crush on my daughter(why else would a boy buy a plane ticket for a girl?). He could have a crush on my step-daughter, but I think they know each other too well or something like that.
Really, I am not bitter. I have lost all of my bitterness regarding males. The older I get, the less bitter I am. I really don't feel much of anything where males are concerned. I swear. I am not mad. I remember in my 20's, man, I made a fool of myself. I really went all out to be bitter and cool and unfeeling...I ended up closing myself off, and opting for bad opportunities instead of good. I mean, I can spot a player from a mile away. And if I want a player, I shall persue one. If I don't, I wont. I can also spot a good man. I can spot a rich man. Thing is, I DON'T CARE! Ha! I need to focus more on me, and I just can not give any little part of me away right now. I do get sad, I do get lonely - but, for the most part, I am enjoying keeping all of me. Once I can do that with a man. I will have something to offer. But, I am not bitter...and that is nice.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Ophelia
I am feeling a little lyrical today. So, this post is going to be short and sweet.
Although, I do have an awful lot to say about the human race in general, I am just going to post some lyrics and be done for the day...
You better shut your mouth
Hold your breath
Kiss me now you'll catch my death
O, I mean it...
My Skin - Natalie Merchant
Take a look at my body
Look at my hands
There's so much here
That I don't understand
Your face saving promises
Whispered like prayers
I don't need them
I don't need them
I've been treated so wrong
I've been treated so long
As if I'm becoming untouchable
Contempt loves the silence
It thrives in the dark
With fine winding tendrils
That strangle the heart
They say that promises
Sweeten the blow
But I don't need them
No, I don't need them
I've been treated so wrong
I've been treated so long
As if I'm becoming untouchable
I'm a slow dying flower
Frost killing hour
The sweet turning sour
And untouchable
O, I need
The darkness
The sweetness
The sadness
The weakness
I need this
I need
A lullaby
A kiss goodnight
Angel sweet
Love of my life
O, I need this
Do you remember the way
That you touched me before
All the trembling sweetness
I loved and adored?
Your face saving promises
Whispered like prayers
I don't need them
No, I don't need them
O, I need
The darkness
The sweetness
The sadness
The weakness
I need this
I need
A lullaby
A kiss goodnight
The angel sweet
Love of my life
I need this
Is it dark enough?
Can you see me?
Do you want me?
Can you reach me?
Or I'm leaving
You better shut your mouth
Hold your breath
Kiss me now you'll catch my death
O, I mean it
Although, I do have an awful lot to say about the human race in general, I am just going to post some lyrics and be done for the day...
You better shut your mouth
Hold your breath
Kiss me now you'll catch my death
O, I mean it...
My Skin - Natalie Merchant
Take a look at my body
Look at my hands
There's so much here
That I don't understand
Your face saving promises
Whispered like prayers
I don't need them
I don't need them
I've been treated so wrong
I've been treated so long
As if I'm becoming untouchable
Contempt loves the silence
It thrives in the dark
With fine winding tendrils
That strangle the heart
They say that promises
Sweeten the blow
But I don't need them
No, I don't need them
I've been treated so wrong
I've been treated so long
As if I'm becoming untouchable
I'm a slow dying flower
Frost killing hour
The sweet turning sour
And untouchable
O, I need
The darkness
The sweetness
The sadness
The weakness
I need this
I need
A lullaby
A kiss goodnight
Angel sweet
Love of my life
O, I need this
Do you remember the way
That you touched me before
All the trembling sweetness
I loved and adored?
Your face saving promises
Whispered like prayers
I don't need them
No, I don't need them
O, I need
The darkness
The sweetness
The sadness
The weakness
I need this
I need
A lullaby
A kiss goodnight
The angel sweet
Love of my life
I need this
Is it dark enough?
Can you see me?
Do you want me?
Can you reach me?
Or I'm leaving
You better shut your mouth
Hold your breath
Kiss me now you'll catch my death
O, I mean it
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Oh NO!
I know what this feeling is. I just figured it out while listening to a Tool song.
Er. I am just about to go thru a self-destructive phase. Hmmm. The antsy feeling. The not knowing quite what I need, but knowing that I need something. I feel the need to do something - even if it is wrong. Uh oh.
I feel it coming. Maybe it will pass. Do I want it to?
Er. I am just about to go thru a self-destructive phase. Hmmm. The antsy feeling. The not knowing quite what I need, but knowing that I need something. I feel the need to do something - even if it is wrong. Uh oh.
I feel it coming. Maybe it will pass. Do I want it to?
Froggy
I am pretty darn sad about Heath Ledger being dead. My daughter and I had a mutual admiration for Mr. Ledger. We were our own little mother-daughter fan club. When she was younger, we used to watch 10 Things I Hate About You, and A Knight's Tale over and over and over. When she called to let me know, she sounded teary and she just shouted , "Mom! Heath Ledger is dead!". I thought she was kidding and I told her to shut up...HA. So, I turned on the news and yep. There it was. He is dead.
I guess it could seem silly to mourn the loss of someone that we don't even know, but we felt like we knew him, and we certainly wanted to see more of his cute little face. Anyway, my daughter and I still have Johnny Depp. Lets pray he sticks around a long time.
My ex is trying to be a little manipulative about the finances, but fortunately, I have years of experience with his little manuevers. He keeps trying to confuse me by saying, "I will pay half of the rent now, and the other half on the next check", and then he will say, "Well, I can buy these heaters and you can give me $30, and I will take it off of the money I owe you", or "I'll pay for dinner and we can take it off my bill"...Um, NOPE. I kind of got myself intertwined in that this past month, but it aint happenin! I just sent him an email explaining how we are going to be handling everything. EVERYTHING is to be seperate! EVERYTHING! No paying for this and taking off that. NO! NO! NO! He is using the ol' switcheroo, I gave you a hundred dollar bill not a twenty. I'm not stupid.
I am so glad that we are not married still. I am really, seriously over that man. I have NO feelings for him whatsoever. I haven't had sex for almost a year now, and that doesn't even make me want to be with him. I did buy myself a nice little vibrator that I have used a few times over the past week or so. I LIKE it.
I feel myself coming alive again. I want to feel. I don't know how much I want to feel, but that is a start. At least, I am alive and there is hope.
I can become quite solitare. If I choose to not feel, I can accomplish that without great effort. I can become stone. I can be a shell of a person, with nothing inside. If I choose. It doesnt hurt. It is quite comfortable there. Trouble is, I can stay there forever.
Whoa! Okay, back to reality. The reality is, I am ready for some excitement. There is just one catch to that - I don't feel good. I am going to wait until I get all the test results back from the doctor. Then, I am going to try and get back into some sort of normal shape health wise. I need to lose some weight for sure. AND THEN, maybe I can think about dating again. Not sure what I will tell the ex, but it really isn't any of his business.
So, that being said. LP, your strong personality might crush me like a pancake, but then again, it might just be perfect.
I guess it could seem silly to mourn the loss of someone that we don't even know, but we felt like we knew him, and we certainly wanted to see more of his cute little face. Anyway, my daughter and I still have Johnny Depp. Lets pray he sticks around a long time.
My ex is trying to be a little manipulative about the finances, but fortunately, I have years of experience with his little manuevers. He keeps trying to confuse me by saying, "I will pay half of the rent now, and the other half on the next check", and then he will say, "Well, I can buy these heaters and you can give me $30, and I will take it off of the money I owe you", or "I'll pay for dinner and we can take it off my bill"...Um, NOPE. I kind of got myself intertwined in that this past month, but it aint happenin! I just sent him an email explaining how we are going to be handling everything. EVERYTHING is to be seperate! EVERYTHING! No paying for this and taking off that. NO! NO! NO! He is using the ol' switcheroo, I gave you a hundred dollar bill not a twenty. I'm not stupid.
I am so glad that we are not married still. I am really, seriously over that man. I have NO feelings for him whatsoever. I haven't had sex for almost a year now, and that doesn't even make me want to be with him. I did buy myself a nice little vibrator that I have used a few times over the past week or so. I LIKE it.
I feel myself coming alive again. I want to feel. I don't know how much I want to feel, but that is a start. At least, I am alive and there is hope.
I can become quite solitare. If I choose to not feel, I can accomplish that without great effort. I can become stone. I can be a shell of a person, with nothing inside. If I choose. It doesnt hurt. It is quite comfortable there. Trouble is, I can stay there forever.
Whoa! Okay, back to reality. The reality is, I am ready for some excitement. There is just one catch to that - I don't feel good. I am going to wait until I get all the test results back from the doctor. Then, I am going to try and get back into some sort of normal shape health wise. I need to lose some weight for sure. AND THEN, maybe I can think about dating again. Not sure what I will tell the ex, but it really isn't any of his business.
So, that being said. LP, your strong personality might crush me like a pancake, but then again, it might just be perfect.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Cholesterol
Oh man, I am a space cadet today. I can't even function.
I am taking a new cholesterol medicine. My triglycerides are still really high. The nurse that called me also said, "Your liver is increased and your thyroid has decreased." Huh? I said, "Now say that again.", and she repeated the same thing again. I didn't ask a lot of questions. I should have. But, I am seeing the Dr again for a retest in a few weeks, so I guess they will know more then. I can wait. I just agreed to pick up the new cholesterol medicine and schedule an appt to come back in a month. Weird.
Maybe, I am not crazy. Maybe, I don't feel good for a reason. That would be a hoot. What? You mean, I am not fat and lazy afterall? Wow.
My daughter's Hope scholarship finally cleared, so she should be getting a fat check from financial aid soon. I see her apartment on the horizon.
I am taking a new cholesterol medicine. My triglycerides are still really high. The nurse that called me also said, "Your liver is increased and your thyroid has decreased." Huh? I said, "Now say that again.", and she repeated the same thing again. I didn't ask a lot of questions. I should have. But, I am seeing the Dr again for a retest in a few weeks, so I guess they will know more then. I can wait. I just agreed to pick up the new cholesterol medicine and schedule an appt to come back in a month. Weird.
Maybe, I am not crazy. Maybe, I don't feel good for a reason. That would be a hoot. What? You mean, I am not fat and lazy afterall? Wow.
My daughter's Hope scholarship finally cleared, so she should be getting a fat check from financial aid soon. I see her apartment on the horizon.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Snow
We had snow yesterday. Huge, fluffy, beautiful white flakes. Very nice. That is one thing about living in the south. I was thanking God for his glorious gift of snow yesterday, because it was such a beautiful sight. I guess if you get snow every day, its not so pretty anymore. Just my guess, but I am thinking people up north don't thank God for the pretty snowflakes.
I have an exam tomorrow. It is an entrance exam for the radiology program. Somehow I managed to get the very last slot for the test. I had no idea that this was the very last test before the cutoff deadline. I just happen to have 60 bucks in my pocket and decided to go ahead and pay for the test. I thought I was getting in waaaaaaay early, but apparently, I got the very last slot. I felt like I had won the lottery, and I also felt a little divine intervention action had happened. (I'm just sayin')
I am normally the person that walks up after all the slots have been filled.
By the way LP...I fell in love with you that weekend. End of story.
Today I am volunteering at the pregnancy center, and I am just not into it today. I just feel so different than the other ladies. Of course, we are all there for the same reason, so I should get over myself.
My doctor wants me to do a sleep study to check for sleep apnea, and then he is going to refer me to an ENT, but he said it would be easier to go ahead and do the sleep study first to rule out apnea.
I better get back to work.
I have an exam tomorrow. It is an entrance exam for the radiology program. Somehow I managed to get the very last slot for the test. I had no idea that this was the very last test before the cutoff deadline. I just happen to have 60 bucks in my pocket and decided to go ahead and pay for the test. I thought I was getting in waaaaaaay early, but apparently, I got the very last slot. I felt like I had won the lottery, and I also felt a little divine intervention action had happened. (I'm just sayin')
I am normally the person that walks up after all the slots have been filled.
By the way LP...I fell in love with you that weekend. End of story.
Today I am volunteering at the pregnancy center, and I am just not into it today. I just feel so different than the other ladies. Of course, we are all there for the same reason, so I should get over myself.
My doctor wants me to do a sleep study to check for sleep apnea, and then he is going to refer me to an ENT, but he said it would be easier to go ahead and do the sleep study first to rule out apnea.
I better get back to work.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
APT
I feel myself getting closer and closer to a big, fat, greasy heart attack any day now. Ack. I can just feel my thick, fatty, blood oozing slowly through my veins. My poor heart...
I am at work on Saturday yet again. I like to work on Saturday. I feel like I am accomplishing something worthwhile. I guess it is the extra 4 hours on my paycheck. If I were at home, I would be lying around watching tv thinking that I should have just gotten up and gone in to work. "I could have put in 3 hours by now" - that is the tape that usually winds through my head every Saturday morning that I choose to stay home.
I am busy looking for my daughter an apt. It is such a hard task. She needs to be within walking distance of the University, but it is located in a kind of rough area. I just can't decide if it is worth it to put her in a dorm, or get her an apt so she can roomie with her step-sister. I just don't know if her step-sister is ready to move out. Maybe, the dorm would be the better choice. They just seem so much more expensive. However, if they take it directly from her financial aid, then maybe she wont have the chance to blow the money on tattoos before she pays rent.
Anywho, just needed to vent for a minute.
I am at work on Saturday yet again. I like to work on Saturday. I feel like I am accomplishing something worthwhile. I guess it is the extra 4 hours on my paycheck. If I were at home, I would be lying around watching tv thinking that I should have just gotten up and gone in to work. "I could have put in 3 hours by now" - that is the tape that usually winds through my head every Saturday morning that I choose to stay home.
I am busy looking for my daughter an apt. It is such a hard task. She needs to be within walking distance of the University, but it is located in a kind of rough area. I just can't decide if it is worth it to put her in a dorm, or get her an apt so she can roomie with her step-sister. I just don't know if her step-sister is ready to move out. Maybe, the dorm would be the better choice. They just seem so much more expensive. However, if they take it directly from her financial aid, then maybe she wont have the chance to blow the money on tattoos before she pays rent.
Anywho, just needed to vent for a minute.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Ready?!
Well, everyone is leaving work right now. I am pretty happy about that. Now, I get to update my blog without looking over my shoulder.
For some reason, I am craving a big bowl of Lucky Charms. Yum.
I am meeting a friend after work for dinner. We are having Mexican, and I am sure looking forward to it. I guess I should give the ex a call just to give him a heads up that I wont be home for din-din.
Really. I am going to do it. I am going to give myself a make-over. I really need it. I really need to get back into shape. I have no idea why it is so hard to get motivated this time. I wish I had something to blame it on. I am feeling so much better now that my PMS is gone. I feel like I could conquer the world. It helps that I went skating the other night, and then walked about two miles at the University with my daughter the next day.
I have got to get myself together. I have my eye on a couple of prizes, and I need to get myself ready for the challenge. Hmmm. Yes, I am ready! I want to be sexy. I want to be wanted. I feel ready.
For some reason, I am craving a big bowl of Lucky Charms. Yum.
I am meeting a friend after work for dinner. We are having Mexican, and I am sure looking forward to it. I guess I should give the ex a call just to give him a heads up that I wont be home for din-din.
Really. I am going to do it. I am going to give myself a make-over. I really need it. I really need to get back into shape. I have no idea why it is so hard to get motivated this time. I wish I had something to blame it on. I am feeling so much better now that my PMS is gone. I feel like I could conquer the world. It helps that I went skating the other night, and then walked about two miles at the University with my daughter the next day.
I have got to get myself together. I have my eye on a couple of prizes, and I need to get myself ready for the challenge. Hmmm. Yes, I am ready! I want to be sexy. I want to be wanted. I feel ready.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Moon Cup
I am using a moon cup. If you dont know what it is...look it up. It is fantastic.
I am getting curious about dating again. At what point should I tell my date that I live with my ex-husband?
Sunday night I finally went skating. I have the bruises to show for it. It was so much fun. I went to a roller rink, but I really want to race down the local paved trail, but I am terrified of being murdered. I need to get some pepper spray, a taser gun, and possibly a 9mm to carry with me if I go alone.
By the way, I love to watch cop shows where the bad guy gets tasered. I can't help it. It makes me laugh til I cry.
I am getting curious about dating again. At what point should I tell my date that I live with my ex-husband?
Sunday night I finally went skating. I have the bruises to show for it. It was so much fun. I went to a roller rink, but I really want to race down the local paved trail, but I am terrified of being murdered. I need to get some pepper spray, a taser gun, and possibly a 9mm to carry with me if I go alone.
By the way, I love to watch cop shows where the bad guy gets tasered. I can't help it. It makes me laugh til I cry.
Friday, January 4, 2008
Grouch
I feel crappy and depressed today. I need to do something fun and exciting, but I just dont feel like it. Maybe, I should take an extra antideppressant pill. I don't think that my doctor would approve...
I guess I have PMS. My daughter is kinda getting on my nerves lately. I feel like she has done nothing to prepare for school next week. She stays up all night and every morning she is asleep on my couch. It is annoying. I love her, but she needs to pull it together. I am constantly online checking that she has everything turned in to the university to take care of financial aid, and registration and transfer credit, while she sits back and does nothing. Arrrgh! And I just realized that she has no idea about parking and we haven't made any arrangements. I found out where she can park for free, but she is going to have to ask me about it. I want her to take a little bit of initiative, man.
I am a grouch, I am tired, I am bored.
I haven't done anything at work today. I keep playing on the internet and I will probably get caught very soon.
I swear I almost vomited when I looked in the mirror yesterday. How nice. I am aging so gracefully...ack! I really did dry heave after looking at my lovely shape in the mirror. Why don't people get physically ill when they come in contact with me? Wouldn't that be funny? If no one could look at me without dry heaving, or projectile vomiting.
I have broken every single new year's resolution that I made to myself, of course. It took me about 3 seconds into the new year.
Ew. I am a mess right now. Hormones anyone?
I guess I have PMS. My daughter is kinda getting on my nerves lately. I feel like she has done nothing to prepare for school next week. She stays up all night and every morning she is asleep on my couch. It is annoying. I love her, but she needs to pull it together. I am constantly online checking that she has everything turned in to the university to take care of financial aid, and registration and transfer credit, while she sits back and does nothing. Arrrgh! And I just realized that she has no idea about parking and we haven't made any arrangements. I found out where she can park for free, but she is going to have to ask me about it. I want her to take a little bit of initiative, man.
I am a grouch, I am tired, I am bored.
I haven't done anything at work today. I keep playing on the internet and I will probably get caught very soon.
I swear I almost vomited when I looked in the mirror yesterday. How nice. I am aging so gracefully...ack! I really did dry heave after looking at my lovely shape in the mirror. Why don't people get physically ill when they come in contact with me? Wouldn't that be funny? If no one could look at me without dry heaving, or projectile vomiting.
I have broken every single new year's resolution that I made to myself, of course. It took me about 3 seconds into the new year.
Ew. I am a mess right now. Hormones anyone?
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