Froggy

I am pretty darn sad about Heath Ledger being dead. My daughter and I had a mutual admiration for Mr. Ledger. We were our own little mother-daughter fan club. When she was younger, we used to watch 10 Things I Hate About You, and A Knight's Tale over and over and over. When she called to let me know, she sounded teary and she just shouted , "Mom! Heath Ledger is dead!". I thought she was kidding and I told her to shut up...HA. So, I turned on the news and yep. There it was. He is dead.
I guess it could seem silly to mourn the loss of someone that we don't even know, but we felt like we knew him, and we certainly wanted to see more of his cute little face. Anyway, my daughter and I still have Johnny Depp. Lets pray he sticks around a long time.

My ex is trying to be a little manipulative about the finances, but fortunately, I have years of experience with his little manuevers. He keeps trying to confuse me by saying, "I will pay half of the rent now, and the other half on the next check", and then he will say, "Well, I can buy these heaters and you can give me $30, and I will take it off of the money I owe you", or "I'll pay for dinner and we can take it off my bill"...Um, NOPE. I kind of got myself intertwined in that this past month, but it aint happenin! I just sent him an email explaining how we are going to be handling everything. EVERYTHING is to be seperate! EVERYTHING! No paying for this and taking off that. NO! NO! NO! He is using the ol' switcheroo, I gave you a hundred dollar bill not a twenty. I'm not stupid.

I am so glad that we are not married still. I am really, seriously over that man. I have NO feelings for him whatsoever. I haven't had sex for almost a year now, and that doesn't even make me want to be with him. I did buy myself a nice little vibrator that I have used a few times over the past week or so. I LIKE it.

I feel myself coming alive again. I want to feel. I don't know how much I want to feel, but that is a start. At least, I am alive and there is hope.

I can become quite solitare. If I choose to not feel, I can accomplish that without great effort. I can become stone. I can be a shell of a person, with nothing inside. If I choose. It doesnt hurt. It is quite comfortable there. Trouble is, I can stay there forever.

Whoa! Okay, back to reality. The reality is, I am ready for some excitement. There is just one catch to that - I don't feel good. I am going to wait until I get all the test results back from the doctor. Then, I am going to try and get back into some sort of normal shape health wise. I need to lose some weight for sure. AND THEN, maybe I can think about dating again. Not sure what I will tell the ex, but it really isn't any of his business.

So, that being said. LP, your strong personality might crush me like a pancake, but then again, it might just be perfect.