Today

I just don't feel like working today. It isn't often that I don't feel like working at the beginning of the day...it is usually the afternoon. I am also very impatient about finding out my grade in Algebra. I know I made an A in biology. I want an A in Algebra so bad that I can taste it. If I have to deal with a B, I will deal with it...but, I keep worrying that I missed something, or did really bad on the last two tests (that we never got a grade for) - If I get a C, I will be kinda pissed.

Anyway! I tried to get my social security card with my maiden name on it, but apparently my final divorce decree didn't have my birthdate on it, so they didnt know if it was really me getting a divorce or someone else with my same exact name. So, unfortunately, I have to wait for my lawyer to make an ammendment to my papers before I can get on with changing my name. I am not surprised.

I am having a bit of an addiction problem. I started smoking a cigarette now and then when I was going thru the divorce (I used it as an excuse), and now I am having trouble quitting. I have to quit. I hate smoking, and I want to be healthy and the best me that I can be. I can't do that while smoking. I have quit before, and that is what makes this situation so damn STUPID! Just call me idiot.

I have been listening to The Worry Cure book on cd, and I finally listened to the entire thing. I am going to listen to it again. I was surprised at how many, many things in my personality are defined by my anxiety. Right down to my impatience, my obsessions, and my insecurities. I have to say though, that my anxieties were not caused by anything terrible that happened in my life...I have had anxiety since about age 3...maybe even sooner. It is biological - period. I will learn to control it.

My sister wants me to go to Washington DC with her in December, and a few of my girlfriends want to take a trip to the beach in October. Both parties have agreed to pay MY part of the hotel expense. I feel like such a dumbass, but they tell me that they want me there, and they don't care about the money. I have good friends.