Confused

I dont even know what to write about today...I am so confused. I am at work, and I am ahead of schedule, so I figured I would take a break and write for a bit.

I have two tests on Wednesday, so I am thinking about getting out of here a little early today to study. I can leave after my test in lab on Wednesday, so I can come in to work to make up the hours.

I went on the motorcycle ride on Sunday. It was really a lot of fun. I enjoyed being on the harley, and I totally trusted my husband to handle the bike with me on it. I can say that I would love to go riding again, but that would mean that I would have to go riding with him again, and I just can not allow myself to do that. He is giving me no signs of life - no clues at all to what is going on in our relationship. Well, the clues that I am picking up are that he doesnt want me at all. I have been wrong before on several occasions, but I am pretty sure this time. He has changed his mind. I just cant figure out why he keeps coming over on the weekends, and making dates with me.

As of today, I am going to stop taking his calls, and if I happen to pick up the phone at home (we dont have caller id), I am not going to agree to him coming over at all this weekend. I can't talk to him about it or he will fly off the handle, and I can't deal with this being in between. His mother is home from England, and he is still in her house. WTF?!

Geez. I don't know how to get out of this thing! I don't want to be with him, and I don't want to be fucked over, but somehow, I am letting it happen slowly. Weird.