Tired

My husband hasn't moved back in yet. It has been since February. I have been paying the bills...I pay the mortgage, the utilities and anything else that comes up. He does give me money for the car insurance, because he hasn't taken his name off of my policy yet. He also gave me $500 dollars to buy some roller skates and cable tv. I have lived here for 5 months without cable. He moved out in February, so he was here for about 6 weeks - more like 5 or less.

I am still not sure what he wants. I asked him point blank to move back in, and he actually ignored my request. He spent 6 weeks trying his best to win me back - begging me everyday - treating me like a queen...and then it all stopped. He is still staying with his mother, and I am still here on my own handling everything as I always have.

I have been handling adult things since age 16. That is when I discovered I was pregnant with my daughter. I have been handling bills, going without, living from paycheck to paycheck since a very early age. I am just tired. I am tired of worrying. I am tired of never having money. I am tired of watching my friends get ahead, while I stay behind...I am tired of seeing my husband lounge around at his mother's house without a care in the world, and I am tired of handling things on my own.

Bottom line. If I am handling things on my own. If I am depending on myself as usual. What is it that I need my husband to come home for? So, I can add to the pile? I am just tired.

On a lighter note. When everyone moves out of my house. I am going to walk around naked all the time. I am going to put on high heels, I am going to buy a sexy apron, I am going to buy me some bright red lipstick, and I am going to become my own sexy little slave...

I guess I might need a magic wand...you know...the one made by hitachi.