Migraine

I woke up with a horrible migraine around 1am. I thought I was going to have to go to the emergency room. Again, I took just enough medicine to either kill me, or get rid of the migraine. I am still not sure which happened. I think I am alive...

I got to work late, but it doesn't matter as long as I put in 8 hours today. I am going to work 4 hours on Saturday and Sunday, so I can at least get 48 hours in this week.

I got the reply from my soon to be ex-husband:

"I know that we can't go on the way we are now, but I hate the word "divorce" when it comes to us. I guess "it is what it is", but It implies negative bullshit. I've been dragging my feet and trying to think whether or not we could make it work, but the truth is, I'm a confused man. Part of me can't picture a life without you in it, and every time I think about it, it just makes me more confused. Part of me wants so many things from life that I'll probably never have. Part of me thinks I'm dragging you down, slowing you down, and confusing you, which I don't mean to do. Part of me just wants to sleep for a few days and escape life for a while. Truth is, I do love you, miss you, and care about you.Truth is, I know that you love and care about me.Problem is, I don't think I know how to co-exist with another human being, and I'm afraid of screwing things up even more. "

Okay, wha? I take that as a yes. I didn't need all of that crap, so this was my reply:

"Really, I don't need an explanation. I was just really looking for your confirmation, so that you wouldn't be surprised when you got the papers.
Shit happens, and I am ready to move on. I'm not blaming anyone, and I am not mad. I just want to get on with the next chapter.

I'll find a lawyer. It might take me a couple of weeks, because I am working overtime here at work, but I will find one ASAP."

He has called me a couple of times since wanting to just "chat" about everything going on in his life with his job and his kids and his ex-wife , but I am not putting myself in that situation right now. I am going ahead with the divorce, and I am going to be an adult about it. But, I refuse to be his confidante. It isn't my role anymore...

Well, let me get back to work. I am still feeling drugged from my overnight migraine.

Things feel right. I am feeling good. I am making the right decision. I know it.